5 stages of online dating
Still, we can only acknowledge what we’re able to recognize within ourselves.
Sometimes it’s difficult to know if we’re gay, and sometimes it’s even more difficult to admit or accept it about ourselves. Lesbian blogger, The Card Carrying Lesbian, explained it this way: “[M]ost of us have a pretty rocky road to navigate from the All- American girl who’s supposed to grow up, get married to the man of her dreams and have children, a career and an SUV to realizing your future is never going to be what your mother dreamed of for her little girl.” Indeed, the acknowledgment phase encompasses much more than acknowledging what being a lesbian means to you.
But once you break through, you’ll be amazed at the calm that washes over you. Once you’ve acknowledged that you’re gay, you can finally move on to accepting the new you.
It means loving yourself for who you are, and tossing out any feelings of anger or guilt that you might be harboring about the fact that you’re a gay woman.
Perhaps you start spending even more time with boys to compensate for those feelings, or start dating as many men as you can to convince yourself you aren’t gay (okay, maybe that was just me …).
Furthermore, it consumes your ideas on what those people think of you. For some gals, this can be a pretty heavy emotional breaking point in terms of coming in touch with who they really are.Criticisms of this five-stage model of grief center mainly on a lack of empirical research and empirical evidence supporting the stages as described by Kübler-Ross and, to the contrary, empirical support for other modes of the expression of grief.Moreover, Kübler-Ross' model is the product of a particular culture at a particular time and might not be applicable to people of other cultures.And as with any major life chance or decision, you may naturally begin to move through a number of stages as you grow and deal with that change.I call these stages the 5-As: Avoidance, Acknowledgment, Acceptance and Acclimatization. That’s because the last stands for how you’ll feel at the end of the journey: Awesome.Eventually, there comes a point in every lesbian’s life when the urge to live the life you were born to live (or your urge to make out with women — whichever comes first) is stronger than your urge to overcome it.That point comes earlier for some and much later for others, but chances are good that if you’re reading this blog, you’re getting pretty close to it.In his writings, Kastenbaum raised the following points: A 2003 study of bereaved individuals conducted by Maciejewski at Yale University obtained some findings consistent with the five-stage hypothesis but others inconsistent with it.Several letters were also published in the same journal criticizing this research and arguing against the stage idea.Whether you’re 7 years old or 27 years old, you might first flinch at the feelings you’re beginning to have for other women. After all, it was the exact antithesis of what everyone told me I’d start to feel when I got to that age.Because of this you might start to avoid those feelings, and to hide them from yourself just as much as you do from others.