Dating recovering alcoholic man
There will always be another excuse, another mistake, another relapse, another addiction or anger about a parent’s addiction that they need their lifetime and yours to get over. When my husband first relapsed after his mother died, my well-meaning Christian father told me to “just love him.” But that’s the problem with the addict; the more you love, the more they take of you and everything else, until there’s nothing left to give. While most other people tried to be polite, or pray for me, their comments seemed to gently gloss over what was actually happening. I can do better.” Instead, I stayed, w—a—y too long. Both the addict and the co-dependent will do anything to hide their sense of inadequacy.I realized over the years I had become less of myself. When someone doesn’t fit into the perceived notion of what an addict is, it’s hard for people to know what to say. There is nobody that tries harder at being “normal” than an alcoholic and his/her family.You may be wondering what this means for your relationship, or if he's even capable of being in a real relationship.While recovering alcoholics may have a troubling past, they're every bit as human as everyone else.Like one who lives in deceit, I stone myself and call for help Your wound grows and grows It slits my throat from vein to vein. There are hundreds of stories and resources for addicts.I put sand in you wound, I put in your wound a giant, and around myself I light the fire. It often seems it’s the families of addicts who are forgotten and who largely suffer in silence. So much in fact that I belittled myself by staying with one for seven years. Four years later, when I found out about my husband’s relapse, I thought about this friend and the courage it took him to say this and acknowledge . We go to great lengths to avoid the subject altogether.Before I left my husband, a dear friend from school sent me a quote from Maya Angelou.It said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them—the first time!
Had I begun the list sooner, instead of listening to the words I so wanted to believe, I would have saved myself at least a year of heartbreak.People certainly can recover from being alcoholics – I have seen it and I can tell you that it’s entirely possible he’ll handle it too.In the meantime, I’d say hold off on starting an “official” relationship for both your sakes.You don’t know what triggers his drinking or what his follow-through is like in general.You said you’ve met recently, so I would imagine there’s plenty that you don’t know about each other.All-to-often a new relationship can be used to delay or cover-up dealing with our problems.If you had been dating him for a while or were in a long, loving relationship, my answer would have been to help him see it through, learn about what it’s like for an alcoholic to recover from alcohol addiction and be as supportive as possible.I am all for seeing the best in people and believing that people can improve, but you said it yourself: You’re not sure if you would want to stick around if he relapses.Unfortunately, as with many addictions, not all recovery attempts have a happy ending attached.In most cases, dating can be considered mostly normal, with just a few exceptions.Picture it: You’re sitting across from your date at dinner, looking forward to all that the rest of the evening has to offer — and then he orders another drink. You cringe slightly as he starts getting a little louder and more playful.