Dating after being abusive relationship
The reason we are not attracted to “decent people” is because we didn’t have love translate for us as “decent” when we were young – and therefore such a love is totally off our energetic radar.
What is our true point of attraction / attractiveness is to what our Inner Identity has translated as “love” (good or bad).
A man (or not) was in no way any condition to her happiness and feelings of being “whole”, because Jane had made it her mission to know her own self-wholeness …
to never again rely on someone’s approval and attention and be in precarious positions of living the lie of being with someone who wasn’t right, hanging on whilst being abused or regressing back to the powerlessness and helplessness of fuelling issues when someone was not giving her the love she needed to grant herself.
And this was working for her, because Jane, even by herself was experiencing the bliss and feelings of incredible happiness on her own.
So much so, at times, her heart was overflowing with love and joy.
You may argue about someone’s “decency” yet other people view their behaviour and character and shake their head.
When you heal, you will look back at the parameters you had as “decent” and you will be shocked that you thought that they were representative of healthy people and healthy relationships.
and the same themes would continue to appear – control, incompatibilities, lack of respect … Debbie was second guessing herself and confused, hanging on trying to prescribe to, change and fix men’s behaviour, and when finally she would realise the relationship was not going to work, she would come back to the shock of having experienced “yet another man who did not love and support her”. After being hurt by narcissists we are tentative, and if we are honest with ourselves and into self-responsibility and self-development we we have had a tendency to attract and co-create abusive relationships. Please know this is not gender specific; these characters could be Jeff and Daniel – it’s just that women ask me about the dating question more often than men! As a result she had let go of the narcissists in her life (a partner and some family members and friends), detached completely, stopped trying to force these people to “love her better” and met and faced herself to do the deep inner work with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program on these inner childhood wounds. But when is it healthy to start dating after abuse? is our homework Within this article I want to cover off these questions … in regard to “how to get there.” And maybe it is the gorgeous dinner I’m out eating at the moment, as I write this, and the wonderful atmosphere that is making me feel really passionate about this. These characters represent many people in this Community – the Thriver orientation representation and the not yet Thriver orientation side of things. She realised deeply the reasons why she was narcissistically abused – that she was unconsciously attached to someone who represented her inner childhood unresolved programs, and that she used to hand her power over and cling to someone for approval and love no matter how much they hurt her.How delicious when she would one day be sharing this in healthy ways with someone! Debbie had also been through a lifetime of narcissistic abuse and unconscious relationships starting from childhood, yet her approach to recovery was completely different.Debbie had the belief that if she could just realise all the things that were wrong about the men before, and choose someone different that she would be able to find the right man.Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert. because she Jane worked on expanding her consciousness – healing through previous blocks in order to express and start connecting to her highest desires and greatest personal truths.She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program. because I’m struggling with being attracted to decent men … Jane was studying her life’s passions, expanding her social networks, doing the pastimes that she loved and for the first time in her entire life loving life and feeling “whole” on her own.Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.often! Jane started dating when she felt that she finally had something to give to a relationship as a pure source of love and wholeness – rather than needing a partner to complete her. And after the massive wake-up call of narcissistic abuse – clearly there is no way we want to go through that again – yet some of us do (I did twice), and many other people I know have done so as well. During this time of two years of dedicated self-partnering Jane worked at consistently up-levelling the old fears that had led her unconsciously into abuse (assigning another person as her Source of love, approval, happiness and security) and she also made it her personal mission to “partner directly with Life.” For the first time in Jane’s Life, after 50 years of previous abuse, she took this on …You are meant to go down these paths – because it’s a “soul contract.” And what I mean by a soul contract is this: people are helping you heal something that you have never healed before – by smashing these unconscious parts open to make them conscious and bringing you to your knees to self-partner and resolve and heal your own inner wounding. And this was an extremely dangerous position to be in, because when it came to continuing or walking away from a relationship my head would “convince” me why to continue, and I’d justify all the reasons away why I shouldn’t.The unconscious parts that you weren’t going to and healing, despite previous lower level disappointments and reoccurring patterns, and even maybe some teachers crossing your path giving you the clues (Life does try to wake us up gently at first), and maybe the emotionally unhealed parts within you had tried to get your attention by appearing as physical issues. when you start healing and up-levelling your previous traumas you will to the people who represent them. Also my neediness was preventing my necessary hiatus from men to truly heal the one real relationship I needed to get right – The real reasons I didn’t spend time alone to deeply self-partner?